The dam is finally breaking. Hallelujah.
In this case, knowing means freedom. Thank you Jesus.
An outlet.
Questions?
May 30, 2012
May 29, 2012
May 29, 2012
“Hello My Old Heart” - The Oh Hello’s
hello, my old heart
how have you been?
are you still there inside my chest?
I’ve been so worried
you’ve been so still
barely beating at all
oh, don’t leave me here alone
don’t tell me that we’ve grown for having loved a little while
oh, I don’t want to be alone
I want to find a home and I want to share it with you
hello, my old heart
it’s been so long
since I’ve given you away
and every day I add another stone
to the walls I built around you
to keep you safe
hello, my old heart
how have you been?
how is it, being locked away?
don’t you worry
in there, you’re safe
and it’s true you’ll never beat, but you’ll never break
because nothing lasts forever
some things aren’t meant to be
but you’ll never find the answers
until you set your old heart free
May 21, 2012
Heart and Punch
After being away from each other for three weeks the girl surprised the boy by coming home one day early.
The girl asked if they could talk via phone when the boy got home.
The boy asked if he could brush his teeth first.
The girl took a picture of his front door and asked the boy if he could come downstairs first.
“what?”
“What?”
“WHAT?”
(rapid, pounding footsteps carried through to the porch where the girl stood)
The boy pulled her into his arms for a ginormous hug.
The boys heart pounded so hard that the girl felt as though his heart was punching her in the chest.
April 20, 2012
I was wrong…
I was wrong. It’s humbling to realize you were wrong.
Last night I sat outside with one of my housemates. We smoked Turkish Gold cigarettes, talked with each other, and listened. We talked of the girls in our home. Eight beautiful, confident, strong women were put into this home. Many prayers were prayed over this year, this house, and these relationships. To look ahead seemed disastrous but we walked into this season with faith and the readiness to confront whatever may come at us. And there have been things we needed to confront. We needed to confront an utterly broken heart. We needed to confront a father’s betrayal. We needed to confront isolation. But through all of these things we are each stronger because we had each other.
I can be quoted saying many a time that I believed that this house of girls was one that was “student” first then “Jesus.” I was wrong. I was very wrong. I came into this house believing that faith and Jesus needed to look one way. I wanted people’s eyes to be opened and for them to “experience.” The thing is, God doesn’t wire us all the same way. He talks to us each differently. He speaks to each of our hearts with a loving tenderness unique to us and our experiences. I can honestly say that the girls in this house have “Jesus” first, then schooling. I couldn’t see that because I could only see Jesus one way.
God, you are good. You are faithful. You walk ahead of us. You have plans that are good set before us (Jeremiah 29:11). You are greater than our hearts and know them better than we ever could (I John 3:20). Thank you Jesus for loving us. A thank you just isn’t enough.
April 17, 2012
April 17, 2012
My Brains.
Here are my brains because no one else in my home is awake to talk with about them, my brains.
::It all started with a simple conversation that turned into a life story. Bam. Just like that. It’s funny how quickly a conversation can turn. Surprising really. From this conversation with a boy came a second conversation with a girl. This second one was a retelling of the first and a discussion there after. I was told that the boy and I would be really good for each other. The girl told the boy this as well and he asked me out to lunch.
::This boy is a beautiful, romantic dreamer. He has lived a life drenched in sorrow and despair. Jesus loves this boy. He chased after him. Because of Jesus his story is now beaming with hope, beauty, and dreams…big dreams. He tastes beauty where so many people do not. He has eyes that see, ask questions, and lure him into adventure. He goes where his eyes take him.
::I see beauty. I love beautiful things. I love colors. I am walking with Jesus and stumbling a lot. He always offers his hand when I let go. I have vague dreams of passion and adventure without fear.
::From the outsiders lens the two of us would make one beautiful thing. So much beauty you would think. I think that is wrong though. I think what we each have needs to be shared with someone else who needs it. Neither of us need what the other has. Too much of one good thing.
::He is pursuing me in a sense but has rarely asked me about my life and who I am. I see so much of him and yet he sees nothing of me.
Lord, this boy is a beautiful person. I don’t think I am the one to hold all of the beauty he has to give.
April 1, 2012
Direction.
Where will I go? For weeks now I have been battling between Seattle and Portland as my stepping stone this summer. I sit here soaking in worship music (The Loft Sessions) and feel peacefully pulled to Portland. I am beginning to feel as though my heart is getting ready to leave this place that has been my garden for the last two and a half years. Father, let the end of this season be a full one of growth and peace. I ask that your presence would be full in these next few months. Draw me to you. I am running towards you.
March 1, 2012
January 26, 2012
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
(Source: koolaidhair, via mikaylaw)
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